Thursday, March 24, 2011

I don't want to talk right now

Being a triathlete, or at least someone who pays to compete in a race that involves a swim, there is a need to train to swim.  And in my case, learn to swim.  I never took swimming lessons, and have yet to attend a master's swim class (supposedly the thing to do if you want to get better!).  I just try and pay attention to how my body feels in the water, and watch videos on youtube all day long that demonstrate good swimming technique.
I think this guy is called Mr. Smooth.  He's a virtual swimmer that apparently has been given perfect technique.
Like most swimmers, I have to do just about all of my swimming in a lap pool at my local big-box gym.  Now, I don't know about anyone else, but that chlorine water does a number to my skin.  I usually come out of the pool feeling fine, but once I'm all dried off, I notice that my skin is really dry.  To try and combat this, I make sure to take a shower at the gym immediately after I get out of the pool.
If you've ever been in a big-box gym locker room before, then you know all about the awkward things that some people do there.  I'm not too sure about the women's side, since haven't been over there for quite some time now, but on the men's side, it seems like there's always at least one guy who feels the need to make himself at home.  And really, why?  Is that really what it takes to feel good about yourself?  There's no fitness competition going on in the locker room today buddy, sorry.

I do this pose frequently when I'm in deep thought.
Since when has the locker room been a place that indecent exposure is accepted?  I'm sure everyone has seen someone standing naked on the scale.  My question:  Is that pair of underwear really going to throw off your weight by that much?  No.  Then there's the guy who uses the blow-dryer.  No big deal, right?  Well, he's not using it to get the hair on his head back into the perfect Justin Bieber mold.   He assumes the wonderful Captain Morgan pose with one foot up on the counter, and proceeds to make sure he dries every possible drop of moisture.  Then there's the show-and-tell talker (I made up a few other names, but though they are pretty funny, they are quite inappropriate.  Just for example, one rhymed with "walkie-talkie".  You'll laugh when you figure it out!).  This is the guy who walks around naked, really with no purpose in life, and just starts conversations in the locker room.  This is the guy who I had the most unfortunate pleasure to meet.
I had just finished up my shower, made my way back to my locker, and got my skibbies on (thankfully), when this older gentleman, probably in his early 60's, started commenting on one of my tattoos.  I turned around to reply, and nearly lost my vision.  This guy was slightly over-weight, and stark naked.  And the worst part?  He had a towel draped over his shoulder!  Just wrap the dang thing around your waste buddy.  So, he continued to talk to me about my tattoos as I replied with one-word answers and comments, hoping he would get the point that I was in no mood for talking.  He did not.  He continued to talk my ear off until I was fully clothed and standing with my bag in my hand, waiting to leave.  Finally, we said our goodbyes and he walked off, presumably to find his next victim that he could expose himself to.
If you're wondering, this all really did happen about a month ago or so.  I have since contemplated giving up swimming in fear that I might get cornered by this guy again, but I know just carry pepper spray instead.  So please, if you're one of those people who likes to flaunt your goods in the locker room, don't.  Save it for when you're in the confines of your own home, or at least wait until I'm not at the gym.
If the naked locker room guys had their way, they'd be using the equipment naked!



  1. You'll be surprised with the female locker room perhaps? But I think guys locker room are a common sight.

    Anyway, I need to train on my swim too. Until then, I doubt I can do any race unless I swim breast stroke. Haha

  2. There is nothing more awkward than a naked person trying to carry on a conversation with you in the locker room. It happens on the women's side too - and my gym provides towels so there is no excuse.

    I am going to have to check out Mr. Smooth on You Tube! unless he is naked too... LOL